![]() Consensus: You talk until everybody agrees to one decision.Consult: Decision maker invites others to influence them before they make their choices.Command: Decision made by external people or factors.Be patient when exploring how others think and feel.Share your facts (and not opinions/stories).Instead of telling clever stories which are incomplete and make you look great, tell the whole story. ![]() ![]() When an unhelpful story is driving you to silence or violence, stop and consider how others would see your actions.Either master them or fall hostage to them. Once you’ve created them, you have only 2 options: You can act on them, or be acted on by them. You and only you create your emotions, not others.Recognize the Purpose behind the Strategy.Explain what you don’t mean until you’ve restored safety. When people misunderstand and start arguing over the misunderstanding, stop. Things to try when Mutual Respect or Purpose is at Risk: You cannot stay in the Crucial Conversation if you don’t have mutual respect. You should not enter a Crucial Conversation if you do not have a mutual purpose.Others should perceive that you are working towards a common outcome in the conversation and that you care about their interests. The first condition of safety is Mutual Purpose.Labeling: Putting a label on people or ideas, so that we can dismiss them under a stereotype/category.Controlling: Forcing your views on others.Withdrawing: Pulling out of conversation.Avoiding: Steering away from sensitive subjects.Don’t respond in kind, but try to keep the environment safe. When people are silent or violent, it’s usually because they’re feeling unsafe. People are more open to feedback when they feel safe.Meditation will help in spotting Crucial Conversations.The sooner you notice you’re not in dialogue, the easier it is to get back and lower the costs. By watching for the moment a conversation starts turning unhealthy, you can respond quickly.Juices up our brain in a way that helps us stay focused.When angry or agitated, asking questions about what we really want serves 2 purposes: It is much easier to change/improve ourselves than the other person.When people aren’t involved in the discussion, they’re rarely committed to the final decision.People who are skilled at dialogue make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool.We often back away from them because we fear we will make things worse. Crucial Conversation: When opposing opinions, strong emotions and high stakes are involved.This book gives you the tools to prepare for high-stakes situations, transform anger and hurt feelings into powerful dialogue, make it safe to talk about almost anything and be persuasive, not abrasive. Crucial Conversations revolutionized the way millions of people communicate when stakes are high.
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